• Anne San Juan Green, MFT

Learning How to Really Let Go


What does it mean to let go? Often we hear "Just let it go" but no one can give a definitive answer to the process of letting go or how do we get there, to the place where we let go and find peace.

Before I could answer this question for my clients I had to think about what letting go would really mean to them and their individual process. There is no exact recipe for letting go and there many ways to get there. There is also a difference between letting go and learning to live with.

We all learn to live with different feelings and situations that do not necessarily bring us peace and happiness. When thinking about how we learn to live with versus learning to let go these are the thoughts that came to mind.

Learning to live with something is often seen as a sacrifice versus learning to let go because it is a choice that would make for a healthier situation.

Learning to live with causes one to build up or bottle up feelings versus learning to let go because one is able to express feelings.

Learning to live with something causes one to ruminate or perseverate on the thought, situation, person, feeling, etc. versus learning to let go and moving forward from feeling stuck.

Learning to live with something can cause chaos versus learning to let go allows for peace.

Learning to live with something asks that we live life day to day versus learning to let go where we live in life's moments.

Learning to live with something creates suspicion and lack of trust in yourself, others and your higher power versus learning to let go allows you to have trust and faith in a power greater than yourself.

Learning to live with something creates a hope that it will hurt less over time versus learning to let go so that you have hope irregardless of time. You understand that hurt, anger, pain, joy, happiness, relief etc. are just a matter of life. You have no fear of feelings.

Learning to live with can been seen as driven by feelings of fear versus learning to let go is driven by just living life on life's terms.

Learning to live with can sometimes be seen as giving up or just existing versus learning to let go so that you can embrace life.

Learning to live with is Ego based versus learning to let go is based on unconditional love for yourself and others.

Learning to live with is the protection of or maintenance of how you want to be seen by others versus learning to let go because you are open to life and what it will bring you.

Sometimes in the beginning of any process we learn to live with e.g. grief, loss, no longer drinking or using. Through the process of time and introspection we may be better able to let go and fully live life as it was meant to be.

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